Three Pots of Tea | Party Guide

Your guide for how to host your first tea party for 6-12 people.

Introduction

Why host a tea party?

A late morning tea party is a fabulous way to get together at a time of day when everyone still has that morning freshness, a sharpness of mind boosted by caffeine, and a desire to “carpe diem” – seize the day. It caters to a healthy lifestyle too – allowing for early bedtimes and sober socializing without raising the question: “Why aren’t you drinking?” It’s less work and pressure than a dinner party, and you can invite more people. And it’s less expensive than a cocktail party. Practical reasons aside, the reason why I host tea parties is to facilitate connection amongst guests and build community. More on that in the next section.

Why call your tea party “Three Pots of Tea?”

There’s a proverb that goes: the first cup of tea you share, you’re a stranger; the second cup, a friend; the third cup, family. “Three Pots of Tea” sets the intention of creating connection on a group level. This is the intention of my parties. It might not be yours, in which case “Tea Party” is a safe bet for a name. If you use the title “Three Pots of Tea,” I recommend opening your party sharing the proverb.

When should I host my tea party?

Saturday 11am-1pm

11am is late enough that it gives people time to have a more relaxed morning to themselves or their family. It’s early enough that most people can still partake in caffeinated teas without them impacting their sleep, and they still have that morning wakefulness, well before the afternoon slump. Guests will also have worked up a bit of an appetite for your lovingly prepared treats without getting “hangry” for lunch yet. Even if conversation is still lively at 1pm, end your party on time. It’s best to end on a high note that you and your guests will remember. Saturdays allow people who go to church not to miss you party.

How many people should I invite?

Up to 12*

*This depends partially on the limitation of how many people your space can hold and partially on your preference towards how large a group you would like to socialize with. I recommend having no more than 12 partygoers (including yourself) for the sake of being able to engage everyone in conversation. If you’re concerned about cost or effort, you’ll spend practically the same amount of time and money prepping for 6 people as you will for 12, so I wouldn’t let that dictate your decision making. Be prepared to host as many people as you invite, albeit somewhat snuggly if need be. However, usually only ¾ of those whom I invite can make it.

Invitations & Communication Timeline

Paper invitations I designed & hand-delivered for a neighborhood tea party

1 month out

Ask your core people (1-3 people) if they’d like to come to your tea party and if they can make the proposed date.

3 weeks out

Send official invitations. Request people RSVP at least three days before the party. Ask for dietary restrictions such as a dairy, nut, or gluten allergy. You can either:

Print your own invitations

Have people RSVP over email, so you’re able to send them reminders and send an email connecting everyone after the party.
Print them at Staples or handwrite them

Send an e-invitation

Send it to people’s email addresses instead of texting it to them. It’s less likely to get lost.
Recommend Paperless Post. The blue invitation above is from them.

1 week out

Send a reminder email

Text if you don’t have their email
Remind them about the party plus ask them to RSVP and share their email address if they haven’t already

Day before

One more reminder and logistical information such as where to park and distinguishing external features of your abode to help them find it if they haven’t visited before.

After the tea party

Thank everyone for coming. Send an email thanking everyone for coming and send a group photo with everyone’s names listed from left to right and their email addresses. This is why you collect email addresses well before the party–so you’re not held up in sending this email after.

What do I need for a tea party?

Equipment

1 large teapot (or two medium/small)
8-12 teacups and saucers (they do not need to match. Okay to mix sets.)
2 cream cups (to accommodate both dairy and non-dairy options. Ideally not matching or labeled, so guests can easily differentiate without asking)
1 small honey pot w/ stick (or skip if you’d like to serve out of a jar or ramekin with a small serving spoon or honey stick)
1 sugar jar or ramekin with a small serving spoon, or for fun & flair: fill an attractive cup with clear rock candy sticks
1 electric kettle (with temperature presets and “keep warm” function)
8-12 teaspoons (one for each teacup setting, for mixing creamers and/or sweeteners into tea)
2 three-tiered serving platters
8-12 small plates (optional. These would go under the teacup saucers for people to put food on instead of the side of their tea saucer. These are not full-sized dinner plates. They should be just barely bigger than the teacup saucers)
Cloth or high quality paper cocktail napkins (one for each tea setting)
One small plate for an unexpected desert a guest might bring
One attractive dish towel (that looks good next to your teapot. Doubles as a hot pad for the teapot and something to clean up spills)
Optional: One small bowl to pass clementines if you decide to get those
Optional: 1 small lightly scented candle for bathroom

My favorite places to get tea sets & 3-tiered serving platters

It will be hard to find a full set of 8-12 teacups unless you are buying brand new which is much more expensive and much less charming in my opinion than what you can get second hand. I recommend combining two tea sets or getting a purposefully all mismatched set.

Ebay: Search “Antique vintage tea set”
Facebook MarketPlace (if you’re not in a rush)
Etsy for all mismatched sets & 3-tiered trays (also called “3 tiered cake stands”). I like the shop “AllLittleCuteThings” for mismatched tea sets. And the shops “PoshandSeductive” and “CakeStandsBoutique” for 3-tiered trays.

Food & tea shopping list & budget

Once you’ve gotten all your equipment, to serve tea and light bites 6-12 people will cost you about $80-$100 including tax based on prices in Charleston, SC, fall of 2023. The difference between serving 6 and 12 people is literally the cost of a loaf of bread. For something savory, I serve finger sandwiches with different combinations of hardboiled eggs, fresh sliced tomatoes, and cucumbers. For something sweet, I also serve mini cupcakes, shortbread cookies, and fresh fruit.

Shopping List

Assorted Box of Tea Bags (~48 pack, mix of caffeinated and herbal)
2 loaves of white bread (only one loaf if only 6 guests)
1 carton medium sized tomatoes (about a dozen per container. “Campari” is one variety)
1 skinny cucumber (such as an “english cucumber”)
6 eggs
1 jar mayo (squeeze bottle is the easiest to use)
A dozen mini cupcakes
1 standard carton of blackberries
1 standard carton of raspberries
1 package shortbread cookies (I like the long rectangular “Walker” brand because they crowd the serving tray less)
¼ or less jar honey
¼ or less small container/bag of refined sugar
1 pint of heavy cream
1 pint (or smallest available) of oat milk (this caters to those who are both dairy and nut free)
Optional: 1 small fruit like figs or clementines (good for gluten free)
Optional: 1 gluten-free large cupcake that can be split if need be

A simple way to spice up your tea party is to offer mimosas, but this will give you a very different vibe and bring up the cost.

Why serve tea in bags instead of pots?

For most of my tea parties I’ve served three rounds of different teas in two pots: one caffeinated and one herbal for each round. This is a lot more work for you as the host and leads to divided attention as you need to monitor peoples cup fullness. In turn, this leaves you less present for conversation. It also increases the number of disruptions as you have to ask people if they’d like more tea and serve them. It also limits the number of choices people have for tea to two each round.

Recently, I’ve decided to transition to serving tea in bags. Allow your guests to choose two to three tea bags from a wide selection as they enter the party. Simply leave a pot of self-serve hot water in the middle of the table in a teapot. This way you only need to notice if the tea pot is empty and refill it then. You don’t have to wait for the tea itself to brew before serving. Guests don’t have to wait for you to notice their cup is empty to refill it. And last but not least, they get to choose teas that are more suited for them. Everyone is happier all around.

Preparing

1+ Weeks in advance

Create your playlist:

Create your own playlist or vet and customize someone else’s. I created this Spotify playlist titled “Speakeasy Tea” with artists like Ella Fitzgerald. Do not go for a free subscription service with ads. Ads will totally disrupt the conversation of your party. Listen to your draft playlist throughout the week in the background to refine it. Remove any songs that stick out largely in volume from the rest.

(Optional) Prep an easy-to-answer question you can ask each guest:

Choose a question that will inadvertently have them sharing something about themselves with the group. You do not need to ask all these questions. You’ll just have these in your back pocket to engage someone who has not spoken much at the party during a natural lull in the conversation. Do not do this to someone who is shy. Instead sit them next to someone who is approachable and a good conversationalist who can speak to them 1:1 (and give that approachable person a heads up in advance if you can), so the shyer person can feel engaged in the party that way. If someone is bringing someone you don’t know, ask them about who they are bringing, what they enjoy talking about, and how it relates to them. Also remember to ask them for the first and last name of their guest, their email address, and dietary restrictions.

2 Days before

Grocery shop
Clean house
Ask for any emails and RSVP’s you are missing

Day before

Final clean
Put candle in powder room with lighter nearby
Set the table (dining or coffee table) with everything on it, even if you have to take it back into the kitchen to fill or add goodies later. This way you know everything has a place and layout decision making is complete. My tea setting is a small plate with a cocktail napkin rotated 45 degrees on top and the saucer and teacup on top of that with the teaspoon to the right or on the side of the plate. See the rest of the layout in the photo below. The only modification I’d make is to leave a space in the very middle for the teapot full of hot water and folded attractive dish towel or an attractive hot pad to put the teapot on top of.

Move things back into the kitchen that need to be filled like the teapot, creamers, sweetener containers, and 3-tiered stands.

Set up tea making station by the kitchen sink

Fill electric hot water pot all the way
Put out teapot and creamer/honey containers
Put 2 extra teacup settings aside for last minute RSVP changes (if you allow that) or unexpected drop-ins. Also put out some extra seating nearby your table (but not at the table) just in case.

Make sure there is a place and pegs or hangers clear for people to put their coats and their handbags or other items. Have a separate spot where you can place host/hostess gifts that is out of plain sight, so as not to embarrass guests who didn’t bring a gift.
Set up a spot for your selection of teas for guests to choose 2 packets on their way to the table as they walk in. Optional: Put a note next to the box that describes where the powder room is.

Morning of the party: 3-4 hours before the party starts

Begin to hard boil eggs
Wash all produce and leave out to dry
Make finger sandwiches

Cut crusts off bread with serrated knife and half along diagonal so they end up at triangles. Batch cut one half loaf at a time.
Peel cucumbers and thinly slice them.
Thinly slice and salt about a dozen medium sized tomatoes with a serrated knife.

Peel, slice, & salt hard boiled eggs into about 4-5 slices each.
Layout bread in mirror pairs on a clean and dry cutting board. Lay them in a diamond pattern so there are no gaps. Drizzle mayo on top and spread a thin layer on top.

Layout equal parts of the following combinations on one side of the mirrored bread slices only

Tomato & eggs
Tomato & cucumber
Cucumber & eggs
Cucumber only

Close the sandwiches
Put sandwiches on the two 3-tiered platters with spaces between for other treats. About 10 will fit per tiered platter set.
Clean up so that you’re not embarrassed if guests venture into your kitchen. You should be about ~2 hours into prep at this point.

Add cupcakes to the platter and a raspberry on top of each.
Add shortbread cookies and blackberries or figs in the remaining spaces.
Put your 3-tiered platters on the table (if safe from animals + children)

1 hr before

Assuming you only need 30-40 minutes to get ready, get dressed

20 minutes before

If you have outsourced a baked good, make sure that guest arrives at least 20 minutes ahead of time for set up. I do not recommend outsourcing any of the food to guests because if they are late, this leaves you scrambling at the last minute to set up while you need to be greeting guests.
Start boiling water with the “stay warm” function on
Turn on music (quieter than you think so as not to drown out conversation)
Pour creamers + honey into their serve wears and add to table
Put boiling water in your teapot
Immediately refill the electric kettle with water and turn onto 200 degrees Fahrenheit with the “stay warm” function on, so it’s ready immediately when you need to refill your teapot for the next round.
Place your teapot at the center of your table as your finishing touch.
Take photos including one with you in it!
If you want your guests to take off your shoes by the door, neatly place two nice looking pairs of your shoes in that location in plain sight and most people will get the hint or at least ask
As you await the first of your guests to arrive, review the list of names of guests and your back-pocket questions to ask.
You’re ready to go!

Facilitating the party

Guests arriving

Welcome each guest as they arrive even if that means interrupting a conversation you’re having with another guest– they will expect it and not be offended. Introduce guests to each other even if you think they’ve met before so save them the embarrassment of a forgotten name. If you think they’ve met, say “You know [name].” If you don’t think they’ve met, say “Have you met [name].”

Show each person where they can place their bag and/or coat. Tuck any host/hostess gifts you may receive out of sight, so guests that didn’t bring one don’t feel embarrassed. Even if you say not to bring anything on the invitation, some guests may bring a gift regardless. And show them where they can pick out 2 bags of tea for the party. As more people arrive and your hands are full with greeting guests, don’t be afraid to ask an earlier arrival to show a newcomer these spots. They may say no, but chances are they’ll be delighted that you asked them.

Once three or so guests have arrived (or whenever it feels right), invite them to choose a spot to sit for tea if they haven’t already. You may ask that people who come together (like a mother-daughter pair) or are very close friends sit apart so as to reduce any feeling of cliques and engage them with people they haven’t met. You can serve them hot water in their cups and ask one person if they would be in charge of offering hot water to newcomers if you’re not there. At that point, as each person arrives, introduce them and share everyone’s names, even the people you know they know. This gives others more chances to learn names.

Opening the party

When a quorum has arrived (maybe 30 minutes in), it’s time for opening the party.

Get everyone’s attention and thank them for coming. Start with sharing why you have brought this particular group together. Was it “connection”? Community? Pure fun? To treat yourselves? If you’ve chosen the title “Three Pots of Tea”, now’s the time to explain the proverb and its significance. Do not open with logistics.
Transition into introducing the food and the two types of creamers if unlabeled and offer the gluten free treat if you have one. Thank anyone who brought something.
Key: Take a group photo!! One with and without you in it. You’ll use this to email everyone’s names and contact info in the email after the party.
If you’re doing a mixer, I like opening with having each person introduce themselves, describe where they live, and ask them their favorite type of tea and how they take it. Start off with yourself as an example and ask the people to your left and right who would like to start and go in a circle in that direction.
When finished, thank everyone for sharing, encourage them to help themselves to a treat and enjoy the party. Introduction over. At this point you can offer hot water to anyone who wants a refill as a way of transitioning off stage, so to speak.

Conversation, engagement, & making your guests shine

If you’re worried at all about how you’re coming across in the party, remember this anecdote about a woman who goes on a date with each of the most eligible bachelors in all of London. She leaves the first date thinking “I’ve met the most interesting man in all of London.” She leaves the second date thinking “I’m the most interesting woman in all of London.” Can you guess who she fancied more? The second one. That’s because people remember less what you say and more how you make them feel. Make your guests feel like the stars of the party, and they will leave thinking highly of you. They may even offer to host the next one or ask to be invited back.

Conversation may naturally flow between one person sharing at a time as a group or there being multiple separate conversations at once. A group conversation may have lulls. Lulls are a great opportunity for you to ask someone who hasn’t spoken much yet one of your pre-prepared back-pocket questions. Do not pull out your phone for this. As a reminder, if someone is shy, do not cold call them. Open ended questions allow for more sharing. Avoid asking for someone’s “favorite” something and instead make it more general (e.g. What’s an event you enjoyed organizing recently?). If you’re interested in a guide on how to come up with these questions, let me know! I’m gauging interest in putting this together. Please also let me know if you know of a great guide that exists for this already!

Closing the party

Just before the clock strikes 1pm (or whatever ending time you chose), it’s time to bring the party officially to a close. Thank everyone for coming and say you’ll send an email out with everyone’s name and contact info after the party. Snap a group photo if you didn’t. Even if conversation is lively at 1pm, end the party. Master gatherers like Priya Parker will tell you it’s best to end a gathering on a high note. Allow people to take their cups to the kitchen and take a tea bag with them as a thank you.

Final thoughts

A grain of salt

Take all these recommendations with a large grain of salt. You don’t have to go exactly by this guide to have a fabulous tea party. Don’t worry about getting it just right your first time or anytime. Hopefully this is the first of many parties! You’ll improve upon and make them your own over time. A relaxed and authentic YOU is the best environment you can create for your guests—better than the food you serve, how it looks, or the music you play. A recommendation I try my best to live by:

“The more relaxed the better you are at everything.” - Bill Murray, comedian and actor

Credits

I credit a large part of my suggestions to two books: “The Art of Gathering” by Priya Parker and “The 2 Hour Cocktail Party” by Nick Grey. Highly recommend both books.

The End

Thank you for reading my tea party guide! Best of luck and please feel free to reach out with any feedback, ideas, or questions.

Sincerely,

Casey Tulloch